- satan's journal.

[santana]

SANTANA MARIE LOPEZ ,

I'LL KEEP YOU MY DIRTY LITTLE SECRET ,

**this journal template was made by
JESSIN' CRUNCH, at caution!
banner by _____

[santana]

DEAR JOURNAL

I hate these things, but this is the only way I can keep it private right? Everyone's craze about facebook and twitter, but really anything you post there is something for the world to see. I get a bad enough rep, and I don't -- oh fuck, I have to go to school. I'll update you later I suppose. Shit, I can't believe I'm doing this type of crap just to work out my feelings.

XOXO SANTANA

[santana]

DEAR JOURNAL

Eh, I guess now that I'm home from school I can update this thing. Not that I really think I should, but people keep saying maybe if I write down my feelings I won't be such a bitch. Like that will happen. I love who I am -- I never try to hide it. Okay, most of it, shut up you journal. God, now I'm talking to a fucking journal in my head. Shoot me now please. Look, bottom line is this. I am who I am. I'm Santana Lopez. I'm the hottest thing to step foot on McKinley High campus and there is no denying that. Only straight up I am is a straight up bitch. Lima Heights Adjacent taught me not to hide anything I have. Then why is this so fucking hard? Why can't I just say it? I'm ga -- fuck. I'm a lesbian. It's not my fault, it's not like I was born with it. I didn't plan it. The moment I came out of my mother I looked at the male doctor and said 'Oh gross, you're penis is horrifying. Ohhh hello nurse." No, that wasn't what happened. Brittany happened. That crazy little blonde came into my life and made me fall for her. Why is it so hard to tell her I want her. I WANT HER. I want my sweet lady kisses, and awesome sex. I want that feeling of butterflies when she comes towards me, my breath going away for a second or two because she takes my oxygen when she's around. I can't breathe without her. FUCK, I WANT THAT. She already does that -- why can't I tell her? Suck it up Santana, quit being a scared bitch and explain to her that she's your everything. Why can't you? Because I'm scared. GOD, I hate admitting that. I'm not someone to be scared of or say anything to anyone. I am. It's terrifying the thought of her not choosing me. Again. The thought of opening my heart and only being shot down and have everything I have ripped out of me. Ugh, what the fuck Lopez grow a pair. Oh, and Quinn got captain. Go figure. ---- I'm proud of her. Okay, that's all for now.

XOXO SANTANA