back to those pamphlets (BLAINE)

[blackbirdfly]

Kurt was sitting across from Blaine, both of them criss-cross applesauce legged, and staring intently at the iPhone in his hands. Carole, Burt, and Finn were out of the house, and he saw it as an opprotune time to spend time with Blaine. An empty house wasn't so lonely when you had company with you. Kurt knew that there was a variety of things they could do outside, but he liked it when Blaine came over. There was something more special about letting his boyfriend into his room, his sanctuary. It was far more intimate and brought them closer with every meeting they had. Everything had some kind of sentimental value, its own story to tell. When Blaine asked about a particular item, Kurt would tell him a whole story about it. He loved how well they worked, and how natural everything seemed to fit with their chemistry and interaction. He didn't have to try as hard, they just came to be. They were never bored- and both understood just how special their relationship was.

He was thankful that it took quite some time of lurking in the shadows of admiration behind-the-scenes before they jumped into this. The trust factor was something he looked for- and Blaine gave him just that. He was smart, handsome, talented, and was one of the first people who sat down and listened to him. Really listen. The way his hazel eyes glowed with interest in every single syllable uttered from his mouth, it was nice not having to fight for attention, something he was used to doing. Before he knew it, they were both tapping on either side of the iPhone, eyes on the screen. Tap Tap Revolution. As Katy Perry's "TGIF (Last Friday Night)" was blasting from the speaker, their fingers tapped along to the beat. Kurt was reasoably good at this game, but it seemed like Blaine had picked up a couple moves and was slowly but surely catching up to his high score. Usually a cut-throat competitor, he would have gotten more upset, but seeing the happiness on his boyfriend's face made him not care so much. It was just a game! He could always go back and top that score later.

Near the end of the song, Kurt dropped his side of the phone and tried to distract the "in the zone" Warbler, by tenderly leaning forward and pressing his lips softly against the other's. He could have sworn that Blaine had said something along the lines of 'Hey, that's cheating!", but didn't pay much attention. He giggled as he pulled away, letting his forehead rest against the other boy's, interlacing their hands between them while they sat, iPhone forgotten.

"Forgive me for cheating?" Kurt asked, biting his lip while his cheeks showed the faintest blush, "Because Mr. Blaine Warbler, you're simply not allowed to win at my game." He teasingly winked and got himself off his bed, stretching his legs for a moment to check himself in the mirror.

Truth be told, there was a single brown lock of hair out of place, and Kurt immediately tried to make his do look a little neater than before even though they had no intention to travel that day.

[BLAINE JOSEPH ANDERSON]

It was funny, Blaine had spent so much time nervous about his ability, or lackthereof, with romance. To be fair, he had some reason to doubt himself. The Warbler had honestly believed that serenading a guy several years older than him at a local Gap store, while remaining oblivious to Kurt's feelings for him and subjecting the boy to singing along in the background while he was unceremoniously rejected, was a good idea. Now, however, he was finding it to just be the easiest thing. The chemistry between Kurt and himself was just so natural, so easy and free-flowing. He did not have to worry about saying the wrong thing, or having his heart broken in half by a cross word. The distance presented a challenge, sometimes, but even that was not as bad as everyone had warned him. Everyone, from family to friends had assured, in less than optimistic fashion, Blaine that once Kurt returned to McKinley that the relationship was doomed. Long-distance, they said, never worked out.

They did not know Kurt and Blaine. Sure, things were different than when they were able to walk to class, fingers interlaced, and singing silly love songs to each other, but they were making it work. They skyped all the time, texted or called every day, and whenever possible, made the journey between Lima and Westerville, or met up in between. Sure, it would be better if they did not have that obstacle, but they were strong enough to overcome it. They were both incredibly busy this summer, but today was a cherished opportunity to spend the whole evening together, and alone. So, they did what any budding young couple in love did when given sanctuary in the house, they played Tap Tap Revolution.

Blaine's eyes were focused on the screen, fingers tapping along furiously to the beat. This was a truly ground-breaking game, he knew. Frankly, because, he was pretty horrible at the game, but was on the verge of breaking Kurt's high score. A smile started to cross his lips as he inched closer toward the goal. The curly-haired boy had no idea how his fingers continued to accurately tap as the excitement was make him giddy. Just as he was about to revel in the glory of his victory, the phone began to slide away from him, and Kurt's lips pressed against his own. "Hey that-" he attempted to protest, although stifled by the other boy for obvious reasons. He gave his best pouty face as Kurt asked for forgiveness. "I was so close..."

He watched as Kurt rose from the bed, and chose to follow behind him as the counter-tenor adjusted his hair in the mirror. Blaine grinned at the other boy, before checking out his own curly locks. They were not exactly in place, but then curls were meant to run free. Wrapping his arms around the taller boy's slender waist, he stepped up slightly to rest his chin on Kurt's shoulder. "A single strand out of place? You've let yourself go, Kurt Hummel," he commented with a playful laugh, giving the other boy a gentle squeeze.

WORDS!

[/color][/b] Some words
STATUS! complete
TAGS! Kurt
NOTES! <3
CREDITS! Template By arro @ Caution!
LYRICS! "If You Can't Live Without Me,
Why Aren't You Dead Yet?" by Mayday Parade
[/blockquote][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[blackbirdfly]

Kurt knew that he needed to get used to Blaine touching him like... this. He needed to loosen up, and stop being to darn tense. But how could he not? Considering that 1) Blaine was his first boyfriend and 2) He used to think that the simple brush of the fingers was the epitome of sexy mere months ago. Kurt was always kept into this little sheltered, and innocent box- never intendeding to walk out and experience anything related to sex. That did not mean he wasn't curious... but he held himself back all the time, and retreated with every effort to "explore". Now that he was in a relationship, it was like one of the requirements to be completely comfortable with your partner. Oh GaGa, Blaine always sent shivers up his spine just by his mere presence, what more if they were being close like this? Every nerve's was magnified ten fold in Kurt's body and he didn't know what to do with all this energy. He tried his best to avoid being that awkward baby penguin he knew that he was- but how he could get out of that stage?

He didn't know. But with the more time they spent taking baby steps like this, he would get used to it. He just had to. Kurt simply hummed in response, raising a quizzical brow and inhaled quickly because the way that Blaine's head was angled, he was hitting a particularly sensitive part of Kurt's neck. As his waist was squeezed, he nearly lost it- but tried his best not to show it on his face. Though he probably showed a tiny bit of his feelings when he bit his bottom lip.

"Please, this is one time in a million when this happens." His hair was once again flawlessly kept and made a mental note to use more product next time, "And watch it when you talk about my hair, darling... because yours..." Kurt took a breath and simply stared, reaching a hand up to twirl one of the curls around his perfectly manicured finger, "...Well, it works on you. Must be your ever so suave charm. The sleekness of that Dalton uniform rubbed off on you?"

As much as he liked hair being in place, there was something extremely attractive about Blaine's gel coming undone so Kurt could just feel that softness in those dark locks. He secretly wondered if Blaine noticed how Kurt would stiffen when they held each other like this. He hoped he didn't make anything weird, that self-consciousness was making its way into his system but he didn't feel the desire to address it at that very moment. With that, he looked at the mirror at Blaine's smiling, expectant face. How did he get so lucky? For the longest time he had been searching, and trying to make himself fit with other people. Those crushes he chased after would be fleeting- and gone like the wind in a matter of days. He never would have imagined himself in this position, to be loved and cared for by this young man who danced with him at prom, who he done a duet with, who had serenaded him even though he knew that he was a spy. Looking back on how far they had come, it was enough to make Kurt blush.

A little too bashful at the moment to make eye contact with his boyfriend, he glanced around his living space. Oh, there were a couple ruffled pillows, a headband on the floor, a discarded scarf hanging on the bed post, and one of the pamphlets from a couple months ago sticking out from under his bed... wait. What? Kurt had to do a double-take to make sure...and sure enough, there it was... "boys and boys: a guide to sexual education for homosexual partners", he had long memorized the front's title and glanced at Blaine in alarm. Oh my... now he knows something's wrong. He slowly broke away and needed to make some sense of his dismay.

"My room's... not clean, I apologize..." He bent over to pick up a headband and inched toward his bed, the intention of kicking that pamphlet fully underneath.

[BLAINE JOSEPH ANDERSON]

The truth was, Blaine Anderson was acutely aware of just how nervous his boyfriend became when they made physical contact like that. He felt the muscles in his slender body tighten beneath his fingertips, his jaw clench ever so slightly, and his lips curl under his teeth as he attempted to play it cool. Blaine was not at all deterred by this, as he realized just how unused to physical displays of affection the boy was. Not that Blaine was exactly an old pro, as this was his first real boyfriend, but he was Kurt's first real kiss, aside from a horrible encounter with Dave Karofsky. It was not just that though, Kurt's innocence extended beyond just his lack of experience, but his lack of knowledge entirely. Blaine remembered well a rather tense conversation the two shared some months ago when the Warbler tried to help his then mere friend out, and Kurt would have none of it. The squeezing of his waist was as sensual as anything the porcelain-skinned boy could probably imagine.

Still, Blaine almost felt as though he had to make up for the lost time, since they had spent so much time in that silly friend zone. The couple had missed a lot of opportunities to get comfortable with each other physically, while the familiarity of each other's presence was well-established. Blaine was happy to take things slow, but he was far too enamoured with the boy to not want to be as close with him as possible. He looked forward at the two of them in the mirror. They even looked good next to one another. Noticing that his boyfriend's cheeks were ever so slightly red, Blaine grinned, allowing his lips to playfully decorate the blushing cheek.

His bushy eyebrows raised as Kurt began to warn him about commenting on his hair given his own occasionally indomitable curly locks. Blaine's concern quickly subsided, however, when a thin finger wrapped itself in one of the curls, and Kurt resigned that the boy pulled it off, and that the Dalton uniform must have rubbed off on him. Blaine resisted the urge to do similarly to Kurt's hair, not wanting to mess up the boy's meticulously orchestrated hair style, instead allowing his grip around the other boy to slip as his hands traced up his boyfriend's back before settling on his shoulders. Again, providing a light squeeze as he tried to relax the other boy. "You know, if you really think that, then it's probably true what they say," Blaine began, as he looked as his untamed mane in the mirror, "Love must be blind." He looked down, almost embarrassed to have said that. While he was more comfortable with being physically close than Kurt was, he was still a rookie when in came to romance.

The truth was, for all his bravado and exuberance, Blaine had been almost as lonely as Kurt just a year ago. Sure, Dalton Academy provided him with a bully-free environment, and with the uniform and school standards, he was able to fit in, he still felt somewhat alone sometimes. His parents were okay, not great but okay, but they did not understand their son, and neither really did the other Warblers. Most of them had always been in the private school system, and had no idea what it was like to be made to feel small on a daily basis, for a bunch of bigoted jerks to make your life miserable. For better or worse, Kurt knew what that was like. Their shared understanding had always been so much more than just sharing a sexual identity.

Feeling Kurt's body tighten even more, for a moment Blaine wondered if he had done something wrong. The boy looked at him, a distaught look upon his delicate face, which only served to further confuse Blaine as the connection was severed. The boy suddenly apologized for the lack of cleanliness of his room, which really was pretty orderly for a teenage boy. "It's fine, Kurt," he said, following the boy's lead however and picking up a few errant items. As he bent down by the bed, however, he absent-mindedly picked up the coveted pamphlet. At first he did not even notice the material in his hands, but as he rose his eyes glanced at the title. "What's thi---Oh." The inflection in his voice increased as he realized just what he was holding in his hands. Now it was Blaine's cheeks that turned a maddening red, as he sheepishly attempted to look anywhere but at Kurt, knowing that the other boy was likely just as red.

WORDS!

[/color][/b] Some words
STATUS! complete
TAGS! Kurt
NOTES! <3
CREDITS! Template By arro @ Caution!
LYRICS! "If You Can't Live Without Me,
Why Aren't You Dead Yet?" by Mayday Parade
[/blockquote][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[blackbirdfly]

When Blaine started to help him pick up the little items around his room, his heart warmed up- feeling very touched that he was going to be assisted in this cleaning endeavor. Kurt could only smile sweetly... that is, until Blaine's hand reached for that pamphlet before his own had the chance to snatch it up. This was what he had feared the most... coming through in a wholly embarrassed reality. If this was some kind of nightmare, he was pleading in his mind for some alarm clock to wake him up before his dream-self would have to explain. Unfortunately for him, there was no ringing, and no iPhone alarm was resounding in a distant, foggy tone. He noticed that Blaine had to look away from him, turning a bit red. Kurt was colored the same way, probably showing moe so since he was a single shade healthier than your average Cullen vampire. He stammered, not being able to know what to say.

"I... I...I really should...I should put that away." He gulped, and daringly walked forward.

Oh- every step's sound seemed to bounce off the walls of his room- and they were so loud he questioned if his next door neighbors could hear them. Though, he knew that it was all up in his head- that their situation was just that awkward, too awkward for anything intelligent to come out of their mouths. He didn't know why he didn't throaw that pamphlet out- or at least hid it in a better place for later reference or reading. His nightstand's drawer would have been a better home for it. He knew that wasn't so- it was one of those times when he was lazy and didn't bother to stash it, forgetting how often Blaine came over nor the amount of time spent in his room. He remembered that day very well, when he took that toast up to his room after his father had lectured him about being careful and not throwing himself around- which Kurt definitely understood, It struck more than a few chords, and was grateful for that discussion even if he was aching to slip out of that seat and run away.

He had set that toast plate on his desk and tried his hardest not to throw those pamphlets out the window. It was all so much to take at once, and one by one- he skimmed through them. He didn't actually read them or anything. It was all such a blur. There Kurt Hummel was- tucked in, and head propped up on a pillow, eyes half closed not because he was too sleepy- but because there were pictures. Pictures with descriptions under them. Pictures with titles and tems explained in bold and italics that seemed to stand out from the rest of the normal print. He was making a big deal- sure but how could he not? He didn't know how he was going to survive keeping up like this... All this time, he thought that his ignorance was blissful. Yet this passion he always read about when he was at the book store in the romance section fueled him to wonder how it truly felt like to be touched... like that. These characters from these beloved novels were given wonderful lovers- and why not him?

He was always very dodgy, and jumped when one of the workers at Barnes & Noble would pass his way, asking if there was anything he needed or if they could suggest similar to the one in his hands. Kurt would reply in a frenzied 'no', and that was it.

"Sorry, maybe we should throw that out." Quickly he tried to slip the pamphlet out of Blaine's hand and to his dismay something in his mind compelled him to look at the picture on the front of the two boys.

Nearly forgetting how to breathe, he coughed into his elbow. They were in the position that Kurt and Blaine had been in previously, coincidental perfection all rolled into one. Hands on the waist, another one of the boy's hands tangled in the other's hair. What was to become of it now- because clearly they couldn't avoid it as much as Kurt would try to change the topic.

"Blaine, I would be completely fine if you forgot this ever happened."

[BLAINE JOSEPH ANDERSON]

The curly-haired Warbler had to admit, the discovery of detailed pamphlets on homosexual encounters was one of the very last things he expected in Kurt's room. The boy was so modest when it came to the physical aspects of their relationships, and Blaine had long doubted that they would be moving beyond kissing any time soon. The truth was, Blaine was actually okay with that. Sure, he knew that all relationships had to progress and evolve, and part of that was getting under the covers, but they were still so young, and the idea of doing that was a little scary. Was Kurt planning on taking things to the next stage sooner than Blaine realized? Had he missed some sign?

How long had Kurt had those pamphlets, anyway? Blaine wondered if this was a recent development, or maybe the counter-tenor had taken his advice those months ago and taken the initiative to get himself educated, despite his initial protests. That was a good thing, Blaine tried to assure himself, as he stood somewhat frozen in the awkward air. He did not really hear Kurt, at least not enough to respond as the other boy mentioned his regret for not putting them away. No, he needed to stop making this so uncomfortable, for both of their sakes. It was certainly unexpected, but he knew that Kurt looked up to him in some regards when it came to this type of thing, even though Blaine had no more real experience than did Kurt.

Kurt grabbed the pamphlets from his hands, suggesting that they just throw them out and forget about the encounter entirely. Blaine slowly shook his head. He did not want to have this conversation any more than his boyfriend, but it was not as though they could avoid the topic of sex forever. Sheepishly, he ran a finger through his curly locks, looking at the other boy. "No, Kurt," he began slowly. Letting out a deep breath, he took a seat on the bed, as if bracing himself. "We, we should be able to talk about this kind of thing, right? We've been dating for four months now."

Blaine gulped slightly, trying to prepare himself what was sure to be an awkward discussion. When he had initially picked up the pamphlet he saw some of the...positions...that were described. "Is that," he began, gesturing toward the pamphlet in Kurt's hands, "Is that something you want to do?" Okay, despite his best efforts, this was awkward. Blaine had no issues with the cuddling, kissing or any of the other relatively wholesome displays of affections that took part in, but actually shedding all veils and being as vulnerable as those pictures, he was not sure he was ready for that, despite how much he loved Kurt.

WORDS!

[/color][/b] Some words
STATUS! complete
TAGS! Kurt
NOTES! Sorry this is a bit short, I have like a catrillion posts to catch up on today, so I am trying to crank them out. Next will be better, promise
CREDITS! Template By arro @ Caution!
LYRICS! "If You Can't Live Without Me,
Why Aren't You Dead Yet?" by Mayday Parade
[/blockquote][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[blackbirdfly]

Words could not describe his embarrassment. It all seemed unreal- those pamphlets in Blaine's hands and all of a sudden they seemed to float onto his. He was not compelled at all to make eye contact, staring down solemnly at those two boys on the front, but grimacing a short time after, feeling very odd and out of place. His stomach was doing back flips, and he tried to keep his cool- trying to keep his nerves under control even though it seemed like he had lost all the bones in his body, wanting nothing more than to collapse or melt into a puddle. He watched his boyfriend's every move when he was sure that he was going to be okay- and knew that they were indeed in for quite the interesting discussion. Why couldn't they have gone out tot he park or something? This could have been avoided- at this moemnt, they could be sharing ice cream or taking a walk, or singing Katy Perry in Blaine's car. Anything but this.

"I..." Kurt started, mouth feeling suddenly dry, "I think we should." As confident as he tried to appear, he knew that he failed.

The boy almost shook as he took a seat next to Blaine on his bed, moving away only a little bit more because it just registered that they were both on his bed. His bed. Kurt now really didn't know how to handle all of this. He knew his cheeks were turning an even darker shade of pink, and his glasz-colored eyes were probably zipping around the room like an irritated mosquito. It's been four months already...? He had to ask himself and remembered his calendar had marked every month-anniversary the two had passed, making Kurt squeal happily in the middle of whatever he was doing in checking that alert from his cellphone. He put the pamplets between them, not wanting to touch them anymore- it felt far too dirty. He knew that those papers were nothing but educational, yet he felt so. weird. He could only imagine how much more weird it would have been if he and Blaine attended Holly Holliday's sex-ed class. It would have destroyed him. At Blaine's question, he violently shook his head in immediate response.

"N-no! Of course not! No." He said almost too loudly for his own good, "Ohhh no. That's not for me. I don't think I could ever- well, not now anyway. I mean... it sounds dangerous. And it sounds like it would hurt and I don't think I would want to do half those things in one time-" He started to quickly ramble and say, his mind racing faster than his mouth could keep up, and tried to catch himself, not wanting to offend Blaine in any way. "I mean, no offense to you, you know... because you'd be fine, er- I mean, I don't really know, do I? I've never done any of... that,or even tried to masturbate- oh, what? What am I doing?" Kurt stood up and began to pace the room, semi-freaking out, "Oh Gaga..." He covered his mouth as he went back and forth in his room, "I just said the word masturbate. I never said it out loud- I mean, I don't do that either. I swear, I never have..." He gulped, "Not that you're not worth it or anything, Blaine... I find you very attractive- I just..."

Kurt really needed to stop talking, and knew he was digging himself a deeper hole with each word that flew out of his mouth, and didn't bother trying to watch Blaine's face through his ridiculousness. He stopped pacing and breathed in and out, calming down, resuming the seat he had taken previously, but eventually crawling on to lay down-fully sprawled out, a comfortable position, to stare at his ceiling and blankly explain how the pamphlet came to be in his room.

"Dad gave them to me a couple months ago to 'educate myself', I didn't know I left it on the floor."

[BLAINE JOSEPH ANDERSON]

Blaine was not sure whether he was more relieved or worried as Kurt nodded his head in agreement. The couple should discuss the materials in those pamphlets. They were both mature young men, capable of handling the complex and dynamic issues. They should be able to handle a frank discussion about sex without shrinking in awkward embarrassment, so why were both boys' cheeks reddening? Still, despite how he felt, the Warbler did his best to put a smile on his face, however forced, as Kurt perched next to him on the bed. What a very fitting location for such a discussion.

Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe they were not ready for such a candid talk, judging by the way Kurt's eyes danced around the room, willing to inspect anything but his boyfriend's face, while Blaine felt unsure of himself for the first time since they had become an item. It was not like they were going to be engaging in any of those activities any time soon. Perhaps they should just shelve it for another day. No, no that was a real option. They were in love, and that meant being there for each other even when it was not easy to do so. He would maintain that smile even if his own stomach felt twisted into knots.

As Kurt adamently declared he was not at all interested in partaking in the kinds of things displayed in the pamphlet, Blaine bit his lip, knowing not to take any offense at the other boy's words as they spewed out of his mouth. He tried to grab his boyfriend's hands as he rambled on, but to no real avail, as Kurt was quickly on his feet, spouting off about masturbation and his own naive little penguin status. Blaine had to admit, that word, the "M" word did sound a little bit ridiculous coming out of Kurt's mouth. It felt like Shirley Temple spouting out a profanity-laced rant, or Mother Theresa threatening violence to a baby. It was just unnatural. Blaine's cheeks flushed red once again as Kurt's speech grew decidely more awkward.

Rising from his seat, he placed his hands over Kurt's to stop the boy from pacing back and forth. "Kurt, just, stop," he told the other boy. "You don't have to be embarrassed about any of that stuff with me, ever. I'm not expecting you to be anything you're not. I knew that," Blaine paused for a moment, trying to figure out the best way continue his sentence. Figuring he may as well just go for it, he continued, "Sex, was not something you were comfortable with when we started dating. I mean, remember Animal?" he grinned playfully, not meaning anything adverse by his remark. Lifting their joined hands up to Kurt's chest, he added, "But that doesn't matter to me, Kurt. I love you."

"Look sooner or later, it's something that we'll have to tackle. Sex is just a, a part of relationships. Part of the process of growing closer together, but we don't have to rush things." Leading Kurt back to the bed, that irony-filled setting for the discussion, Blaine did his best to assuage his boyfriend's insecurities. "Kurt when we decide, when both of us decide, that we're ready to move on to the kind of things in those pamphlets, then we can...explore. And I know that there is no one else I'd rather go exploring with than you."

WORDS!

[/color][/b] Some words
STATUS! complete
TAGS! Kurt
NOTES! <3
CREDITS! Template By arro @ Caution!
LYRICS! "If You Can't Live Without Me,
Why Aren't You Dead Yet?" by Mayday Parade
[/blockquote][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[blackbirdfly]

As Kurt's hands were held by Blaine's own, he tried his best to calm down even more- not wanting to let Blaine to feel those small, and nervous quivers. He tried to laugh at himself in his head, recollecting that he could be so brave in other situations, but this seemed like a different monster to tackle altogether. It didn't help that his boyfriend seemed more calmer than he- was Kurt making a bigger deal out of this than it really was? One of the pros was that Kurt was glad he wasn't going to face this topic alone- and there was no other person on this earth who he trusted more with the delicateness of their situation. Blaine was a breath of fresh air in the storm, a beacon of light on a foggy night. All his life, Kurt thought he was better than people because of what he knew, and held his intellect on a high pedestal for everyone to be amazed by. But there was a sure line between what you just knew and what one was willing to learn about. Being seventeen, he felt like he was growing up 'late', living in some kind ogf shell and wasn't at all exposed to sex personally.

The furthest thing he ever did was a lip-locking session with Brittany when he tried to get attention back when he was jealous of Finn spending more time with his father. Kurt remembered being in his basement, awkwardly lying on that couch in a dirty trucker hat and worn jeans, letting the Cheerio do all the work. He had willed himself to stay there, and just let things happen. Did he care about Brittany romantically? Of course not. Maybe that was why he was so nervous about this prospect with Blaine. He cared so much, almost too much about every little thing they did together. Being a person who craved to be the best in all of his pursuits, he wanted to be good. Good at whatever sport, activity came up...and he was too embarrassed to admit that he had this secret pleasure of wanting to show off to Blaine about what he could do. Now if only he could stop for a second and force himself to watch those scary videos with the people and tattoos, just maybe he could get more comfortable.

It would probably take years and with that, Kurt mentally kicked himself. Like he would actually have the nerve to click on something like that on his laptop. Worst case scenario he's probably start crying and run out of the room- thus causing Finn, Carole, or his father to get worried as ask what was wrong... to which he'd have to make something up from the top of his head because there was a fat chance he'd ever reveal his little trip into porno land. Blaine reassuring words, and words of sympathy mixed with concern made his heart go all aflutter to why and how he fell in love with this young man in the first place. Maybe he didn't have to glue his behind to a seat and staple his eyes to watch some boy-on-boy action. Blaine didn't expect him to be a professional, and that took a load off of his smooth, symmetrical shoulders. And oh yes- he did remember Animal very well. Better than he would have liked and had to let out a light chuckle at kicking Blaine out when the Warbler was only trying to help him.

It was kind of scary how back then when they were 'just friends', how he seemed a little too enthusiastic to inform Kurt of what he knew about it. He didn't even want to address all that went though his head in that particular moment- it was a mess of goo, complication, and very dark dark areas he didn't dare to tip-toe into any longer. It was like he took some kind of euphoric meds, enough to make him nauseous that day. He didnt' want to live another one of those... but it seemed like this conversation was going to tip toe into that territory. But it was something that was needed. The air needed to be cleared of the cloudiness and they had to reach some mutual understanding somehow. Why not discuss it calmly like the young adults they were?

"I love you too..." He says quickly, not missing the chance to restate his affections.

I don't want to rush things at all. Nope. Morally, it doesn't sound like a good idea. Secondly, I think I'd probably faint in your arms if you ever tried to touch me... there. Kurt couldn't even say specifics in his head. He definitely needed to work on that. Blaine seemed to explain everything like a nice, first-class textbook and romance fiction novel rolled into one- and the boy couldn't even fathom how that was accomplished. He had to giggle at the choice of words. Explore, right...

"Same here..." He blankly says, knowing he couldn't even take saying the word- "Exploring...that sounds so silly, I'm sorry." Kurt's cheeks hurt from smiling too much in the wake of his blush, "...but you're right. Someday. Maybe. I'd like to think that we'd have to... uh... take baby steps, if you know what I mean." He gave a slight squeeze in their tightly knit hands, "...because I don't think it would be ideal to just... you know... 'jump right into that'. Again, I'm very new to all this. I'm not ashamed of it... I'm a little proud. I don't throw myself around, so you should be glad you're not with one of those clones of those socialites in Hollywood who throw themselves at the next good looking piece of meat down the street." Kurt's humor tried to add some type of light-heartedness, and he was not sure if it worked. "Still, I know how much I matter. You matter just as much to me- and I'm fine with waiting and watching. I like the wait... because look how we ended up together. It was a long and winding road, but... it was worth it."

Out of curiosity, somehow Kurt asked, "Have you ever 'explored' with any one else before? You know about my history." He then mouthed, 'big fat zero.'

[BLAINE JOSEPH ANDERSON]

This was hard. Blaine was doing his best to keep the conversation PG, but keeping a discussion of sex with a lover appropriate by modest standards was more than a challenge. It was impossible. Blaine tried to dance around the words, using the substitute word of exploring rather than any particular four letter word. It seemed like a fairly reasonable metaphor to him. Exploring was adventurous, and took a fair amount of courage and faith in one's companions. There were certain dangers always present, but people did it anyway because the rewards were great. Yes, to Blaine exploring was a very suiting metaphor, and if that kept the two of them from having blushed cheeks throughout the entire discussion. There were enough awkward moments as it was.

Unfortunately, Kurt did not seem to agree that the word was an adequate, stating that it was silly. Blaine sighed, a little embarrassed by his simplification of fornication. Kurt explained his reluctance, and believing the wait to be worth it. Blaine agreed, of course, but a part of hm wondered just how long that meant. He still felt Kurt's body stiffen when he wrapped his hands around the slender boy's waist. He was confident about how his boyfriend felt about him, so it was not as if he tightened because of Blaine in particular, but due to a general lack of experience. It might be years and years before he was ready for sex unless he got a bit of a nudge. Blaine was patient, and he loved Kurt enough that he might well be willing to wait forever. He didn't, however, want to wait forever. He was not ready yet either, but the Warbler wanted to be.

"Kurt, it's fine. I, I wouldn't want to be with someone who sex meant nothing to," Blaine began, slightly emphasizing the word rather than using the pseudonym like previously. "You know I love just being with you, whether it's blaring Katy Perry in the car, or curling up to watch old cheesy musicals, or just getting coffee at the Lima Bean. I'm not ready to do that with you yet either. But we can't just, we can't ignore it entirely. Eventually we'll want to do more and we don't want to just start thinking about it then or we won't be ready." Blaine paused for a moment. He was not entirely sure where he was going with all this. He tried to smile at Kurt, but it felt awkward and forced. "Maybe we should try sleeping, just sleeping, together. Above the sheets."

Of course, that sounded a bit silly to Blaine even as he said it, but that was probably about as baby of a step as they could take while still actually taking a step. He just felt a compulsion to be closer to his boyfriend, even if they remained chaste. He wanted to feel like they were not hiding anything from each other, and a part of that was being perfectly comfortable in one another's presence. That would take a while, but taking a nap seemed relatively harmless, and allowed them to be extremely close.

At Kurt's question, Blaine suddenly felt awkward again. Well, he felt even more awkward. Running his hands through his hair sheepishly, he tried to think of the best way to word his answer. He knew that he was Kurt's first kiss, aside from that horrible incident with David Karofsky, and to be honest, Kurt was not his. They had never talked about this kind of thing before though, so he wasn't sure what the boy expected. "Uh, well. No, not really," Blaine started, although his voice gave away that he was withholding information, so he figured he better go ahead and divluge, "I mean, if you're asking if I've ever kissed or made out or whatever, then well, the answer is yes. I go to an all boys school. Those kinds of things can just sort of happen. But as far as 'exploring' I have not. I mean, just by myself." Wait, what did he just say?

His face, which had a rosier than normal hue through most of the discussion was now turning an extremely radiant red. "Oh, wow, you did not want to know that," he said, looking down at his hands, then feeling even more awkward staring at his hands, he shifted his eyes throughout the room, trying to find something innocuous to look at.

WORDS! Some words
STATUS! complete
TAGS! Kurt
NOTES! <3
CREDITS! Template By arro @ Caution!
LYRICS! "If You Can't Live Without Me,
Why Aren't You Dead Yet?" by Mayday Parade

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[blackbirdfly]

Kurt smiled fondly at the mention of all the activities they did that didn't necessarily involve anything seuxal- just normal couple activities that was just so them. Pinpointing their teen cute/romanticism on the spot, proof that they truly got along, and it was so great that they started out as friends first before coming together for an actual relationship. He was practically on an adrenaline high, feeling bubbly all over again in that moment when the image of the way Blaine's face lit up when they would be listening to their favorites on the Billboard list- specifically their artists Gaga and Katy. How they would both carelessly throw their voices in the vehicle, holding hands and chaste pecks when they came upon a traffic light. He and Blaine were both responsible drivers, so thank Gaga they never had to deal with being pulled over. How embarrassing it would be to get a ticket on account of singing, kissing, and having your hands clasped instead of on the steering wheel where they belonged.

Cheesy musicals were their middle name- both having an extensive knowledge of movie musicals as well as the live ones that came to town, to which they would immediately get seats. Kurt would try at least, because as Blaine well knew- he spent most of his money on clothes. It was no matter- he paid a good fraction and they split it, evenly between themselves. Sometimes one more than the other, but they didn't mind. In their relationship, "roles" weren't clearly assigned even though people just assumed Kurt to be “the girl” having clearly more femininity from the two. He had to correct innocent askers numerous times, including his step brother Finn about there having no “levels of gayness” to pass. And dear coffee. Did he even have to mention? Knwoing each other’s coffee orders, splitting the cookies- it was basically part of their routine at least once a week. Having hushed conversations over warm caffenated beverages were another one of their mutual fancies.

As he listened to Blaine, he longed to cut in and speak- but knew better that he should let his love finish his thought. It was rude anyway. He was relieved to find that Blaine wasn’t ready for it either- he was so scared that he was kind of with-holding something. It took a small weight off his shoulders- there was absolutely no obligation to “give”. He understood Blaine’s reasoning for waiting and nodded his head slowly without another question to ask- catching that weird-ish smile his boyfriend tried to attempt. There was something a little bit off about it- different than the usual million-dollar-Warbler-show-face-smile he was used to watching saunter around the Dalton Academy practice room.

”Sure, napping sounds fine. We can do that. I mean- we’ve done it before... you were completely wasted, but that’s beside the point.” He really didn’t want to go back to the events surrounding that time even though it allowed him to sleep next to Blaine, fully clothed and under the sheets. Hey- it was kind of chilly and body heat did wonders that a blanket couldn’t. He recalled that night- but it was kind of foggy because of how frustrated he was with Rachel for kissing someone that he had his eye on- like it was sophomore year all over again. He was mixed about his triumph back then, longing to use that line, “You know I will win, because I am a guy.” When that bisexuality question hit- he swore that his heart shattered into pieces, and he was desperately trying to clutch onto the ropes of friendship he thought he could use to lasso Blaine back onto his side. He even said a couple mean things about bisexuals that he didn’t even register in his mind until the Warbler left. That was painful. All that mattered now was that Blaine knew who he was and they were here- together, embarking and tiptoeing on a conversation they seemed destined to have.

Upon hearing that Blaine’s kissed other people before him, he tried to hide a twitch that sent an electric-like shock throughout his body. He tried to hide his pout, looking directly at Blaine’s soft-lovely lips, lips that have touched his own many times over the course of their history... but it was crazy almost blasphemous in Kurt’s mind that those lips have touched another person’s. More curiosity built up inside of him, wondering if any of the Warblers he formerly met had been on his love’s list of kiss-mates. He was in no-way suprised, however. Blaine was a catch, a hot commodity, of course he would have his picking of those Blazer-donning boys with their kept hair and shiny, gleaming shoes.

Oh wait.

Did he just... Kurt let his mouth slightly part, one of his free hands covering in mouth and the confession, ”I...don’t know if I wanted to or not.” He admitted, the hand slowly going to his lap as he gulped, ”I’ve always liked how honest you were with me... it’s okay.” His eyes dipped down and gave a light sigh, "...do you.. do that often?" He was treading on more eggshells here, but he wanted to know more- speaking of, that blush was kind of cute. "...and how is it done? Not mechanics, Pamplets covered that...but what goes through your mind?"

[BLAINE JOSEPH ANDERSON]

Blaine could not help but laugh lightly as Kurt mentioned their previous sleeping together encounter. It was perfectly innocent, sort of. Blaine had too much to drink, so Kurt offered him his bed to crash in. That sounded reasonable enough, except when one considered that Blaine had been utterly oblivious to Kurt's clearly more than platonic feelings for him. Blaine's feelings might have been hidden well beneath the surface, not wanting to admit that he was actually falling for someone, but Kurt's were right there, bubbling at the top, and everyone knew it. It was so awkward, in retrospect. That had to be such a brutal experience for Kurt, to have Blaine laying asleep in his bed, having made out with Rachel Berry that night. Truthfully, it was somewhat surprising that the boy had not snidely insisted Blaine stay with Rachel.

Thankfully, those days were over. Now they did not have to pretend, or worry about either of them pondering bisexual encounters. There was a great deal of comfort in that, that together at least, they knew who they were. As they headed into senior year, there was so much uncertainty. Would they still talk to their current friends in five years? Would they go to a school in a city they loved? Would they achieve their dreams? There were so many questions which could not have answers for years to come, that it was nice to know at least one thing: They were totally and undoubtedly in love. All their friends noticed it, sometimes responding with mildly deprecating remarks at just how adoring the two of them were, but they had their friends full support, as everyone saw how happy they made each other.

His mortification over his admission aside, Blaine liked that he could be honest with Kurt. Sometimes the Warbler felt like he never really stopped performing. He was great when the spotlight radiated off of him on stage, so he often took that same confident and perky attitude into his real life, even if it was not always an accurate portrayal of how he felt. He wanted to show everyone how strong he was, but with Kurt, he did not feel the pressure to keep up any pretense. He could just be himself, although that did not prevent the uncontrollable red from flooding his face.

He squirmed no small amount, however, when Kurt asked how often he did that. It was such a private, personal issue. It had always been one of those things that everyone knew that everyone did, but no one really talked about it, at least not anyone with whom Blaine was friends. Everyone always said how it was natural, and just a part of a boy, and a girl for that matter, growing up. He knew, at least in theory, that Kurt was not judging him, but knowing that the boy never had done the deed mad the situation somewhat more uncomfortable. "I mean, not all that much," Blaine began. That was true, at least in comparison. He heard stories about how some guys in Dalton would have days where they would see how many times they could do it, and the records were a shockingly high frequency. "Maybe two or three times a week." That was a bit of a fib, and Blaine knew it. It was probably five times a week, but Kurt really did not need to know that, did he? He might start to think Blaine was some sex crazy hormonal monster, or worse yet, the typical teenage boy.

The torturous session, however, did not mercifully draw to a close there. Kurt pressed on, asking about Blaine's thoughts while performing the face. Running his fingers through his curly locks, he tried to think of some way to explain, while keeping it PG. Right, keeping a topic of about fantasizing during masturbation rated PG, that was an easy task. Even if he were looking for the perfect answer, he had no idea what it was. Was he supposed to say he thought about Kurt, or would that just freak his boyfriend out? Was he supposed to admit his embarrassing infatuation with Daniel Radcliffe? "It's like, I guess, daydreaming. You know how you sit in class and dream about what it will be like when you finally make it on Broadway? It's, kind of like that but with...other things."

Blaine had to stop there. It was too much. By this point his face was beat red and he could not even look at Kurt in the face. He had wanted to have this discussion so it was probably his own fault, but now all he wanted was for it to be finished.

WORDS! Some words
STATUS! complete
TAGS! Kurt
NOTES! <3
CREDITS! Template By arro @ Caution!
LYRICS! "If You Can't Live Without Me,
Why Aren't You Dead Yet?" by Mayday Parade

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