i don't know no love songs // miki!

[karofsky]

and i can't sing the blues anymore.
but i can sing this song...

[/size]

Dave spent most of the summer preparing himself for the coming deluge of insanity he was bringing upon himself. Most of the time, if someone wanted to do something, and it was an obviously bad idea, that person would talk themselves out of it. But Karofsky wasn't one to act in stereotypical ways at all. He wanted to do this. He'd spent all summer steeling himself, practicing his piano playing and his singing, rethinking all of the horrible things he'd done back in his junior year. This year was going to be much different. He was going to make it all up to Kurt, beautiful wonderful Kurt, and everyone around Kurt. He was going to give himself as a potential member of New Directions.

Of course, Dave wasn't totally sold on the idea himself. It would be very easy for someone in the club - like Puckerman, that asshole - to refuse to hear his case, or his singing. It'd be very easy for Kurt to walk out on the whole thing, too, and leave a huge gaping hole in Karofsky's reasons for joining ND. There was always the spectre of Blaine Anderson Warbler Awesomeface the Ninth, too, threatening to come in and be the greatness to Karofsky's utter suck. Not to mention that Sue Sylvester was very much on his case about his bullying, and Mr. Schue could tell him not to join based on her intervention. But one thing was sure, Dave decided as he walked into the nearly abandoned yearbook room. He needed to talk to Miki.

Miki Yashida was the kind of person that most people would think Dave had nothing to do with. He was a jock, she took photos. His parents were academics, hers owned the local Japanese restaurant. But she was very willing to forgive him where others hadn't been, and they had an odd friendship. Dave wasn't sure if Miki would be a good advice-giver, but he needed to tell her about his plans to get into New Directions anyways. She might not know about his massive crush on McKinley's resident male fashion guru (God, his jacket today was giving Dave seriously bad thoughts), but she knew enough about his past to help him out. Maybe. Right? Stop second-guessing yourself, Dave.

He wandered into the room, glancing around. "...Miki? You in here?"

words 392
lyrics you can close your eyes | james taylor and carole king

[MIKI ELAINE YASHIDA]

It was times like these that Miki enjoyed the Astornomy classroom doubling as the Yearbook meeting room. She sat herself down on one of the tables and twirled her chopsticks in the air. The nearby radio, which the teacher had used for some presentation on sound wave systems, was currently plugged into the girl's IPod.

Adam Lambert was crooning 'Strut' straight into the room.

"I wanna see you strut, strut, strut!" The young girl sang from her spot on the table, swinging her legs to the beat.

At the moment she wore a short denim skirt, a light beige turtleneck sweater with knee-high black boots. Her black and white striped tights were revealed as she had left her boots near the door. Miki pushed her bangs away from her eyes as she reached for her chopsticks, which rested at the ready next to her bento box.

"...Miki? You in here?

"Hmm? Oh David, hello."

David Karofksy and Miki Yashida were not a pair that could often be seen around the school. In reality they never did much but smile in passing during hallways, or occasionally eat lunch near each other. However, the occasions were growing more and more often where the two would meet and chat at length. The girl hadn't been on the receiving end of the upperclassman's slushies but she had witness many. She was usually a wallpaper, and the one time she did get slushied was due to Jacob Ben Israel being next to her.

Azimio Adams still didn't know how those pictures of him hugging his before-game luck charm, a bright neon stuffed rabbit, ended up on the internet.

Miki would never speak of it.

Nonetheless, the tall and burly boy had needed someone to talk to; someone to confide in on occasion. Fate had made them meet and now they were building what Miki would honestly classify as the oddest friendship of her life. Still, David was nice once you got to know him. He was particularly smart when it came to academics and she always knew that if coupled with football, he'd go places. His only handicap was his social awkwardness. There was something else in there as well, but she had long since decided to let him come to her, rather than dig into it.

"Don't you and Adams have a long-standing lunch date?" She didn't move from her perch on the table, and smiled at the boy while she dug into a piece of teriyaki.

words--- I'M ASSUMING MIKI DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT DAVID'S SEXUALITY?!
tags--- DAVID / HAL?!
notes--- AHH, WOOTSl?!
lyrics--- Lady Gaga's The Edge of Glory
credit--- Credit to Dollie

[/size][/blockquote]

[karofsky]

and i can't sing the blues anymore.
but i can sing this song...

[/size]

((You are assuming correctly But I assume they'll get there at some point. Who knows.))

Dave didn't need to wonder if Miki was in the classroom for very long. As he poked his head in, ready to call out her name, some techno-type song was blaring on the radio, and her voice traveled throughout the room, ping-ponging off the walls and echoing impressively. He assumed the only reason Miki hadn't joined New Directions was because she did a lot of photography for the yearbook, and the two would conflict. Dave wondered how bad his schedule would get with ND, Bully Whips, and football on his plate. But he wasn't going to let something as minor as scheduling get in his way of redemption. If that was the right word.

Leaning over her Japanese food box, chopsticks waving as she sang loudly, Dave called out her name, asking if she was in there. Boy, it would be embarrassing if she wasn't at this point. The girl glanced up, and, yes, it was Miki. She paused her singing, giving him a hello. Dave nodded, taking that as his invitation to go up and sit down in a desk next to hers. He didn't feel very comfortable eating in the cafeteria sometimes, especially times like now, where Azimio was arguing with one of the coaches over how appropriate it was to dump food on a freshman. He should be in the center of that, being a Bully Whip, but it was weird with Azimio now. They were on separate planes of existence, but Azimio wasn't really aware of the divide, and expected that Dave - Bully Whip Dave, nearly expelled Dave, trying to turn his life around Dave - would still participate in slusheeings. What was he, an idiot?

As if reading his mind, Miki remarked that he and Azimio usually ate together, except she called it a 'lunch date'. Like Azimio was his type at all. He smirked a bit. "He's, uh, not being the greatest today? To put it mildly." He pulled out his own lunch, leftover alfredo noodles, which he'd microwaved in the caf before everything blew up. He popped open a water bottle and glanced at Miki. "I actually wanted to... ask you for advice though." He paused, leaning over to turn down the blaring radio. He needed to hear himself think. "And, you know, talk." He paused. "It's nothing very serious, don't worry about that. I'm just a little... iffy on it."

words 409
lyrics you can close your eyes | james taylor and carole king

[MIKI ELAINE YASHIDA]

"He's, uh, not being the greatest today? To put it mildly."

Azimio wasn't the greatest any day, in her opinion, but David wasn't an angel himself. Anyone could change, but true change was hard to find. Either way, Miki managed to snuff out the scoff that had been about to escape her throat.

She stopped swinging her legs long enough to watch the boy settled down and reveal his own lunch. She wrinkled her nose slightly at the smell of Alfredo sauce. Italian food wasn't her favorite but that sauce was particularly unappealing. It was weird, considering she did like marinara sauce.

"I actually wanted to... ask you for advice though." His voice was mildly drowned out by the sound of Adam's suave voice. Miki continued humming when the 30 year old's music was tuned down and David's voice grew louder.

"And, you know, talk."

Awkward pause. The girl took the chance to uncap her thermos, letting the sweet smell of green tea into the air. It was actually Arizona sweet tea, which her mother loved as well. It was always a battle in her home for who would have the last tall can of tea.

"It's nothing very serious, don't worry about that. I'm just a little... iffy on it."

"Well... If this is an existential crisis of the sort most adolescents experience then we can solve it the way most do: talking and eating."

Uncrossing and then recrossing her legs, the girl turned her full attention towards David and pointed her chopsticks at him.

"What troubles you today?"

She had a very serious expression but the image was marred by the two cucumber pieces and the teriyaki strip held by the chopsticks.

"By the way, we're having a special on egg rolls today. You might want to stop by later."

It was never a bad time to advertise.

words--- WOOT?!
tags--- DAVID / HAL?!
notes--- AHH, WOOTSl?!
lyrics--- Lady Gaga's The Edge of Glory
credit--- Credit to Dollie

[/size][/blockquote]

[karofsky]

and i can't sing the blues anymore.
but i can sing this song...

[/size]

Dave could tell Miki was not buying his mild analysis of Azimio. Dave was trying not to say exactly what he felt - that Azimio had always been a major idiot and an awful bully who had no reason to do the things he did. Karofsky knew the same could be argued about him - hardly anyone knew that he actually enjoyed singing, and the only person who could possibly understand the dearth of motivation behind his torturing Kurt was Kurt himself. There were definitely better ways to go around showing love, and Dave completely screwed up his chances there. For now, anyway. Maybe joining New Directions would change things. He could show that he truly meant to redeem himself. And maybe win a little bit of Kurt's heart. He didn't expect much, given Blaine would probably always be in the picture. But never mind that now.

He told Miki he wanted to ask for advice and talk. She immediately looked at him awkwardly, opening her thermos of sweet-smelling tea. Tea sounded much more appetizing than his water bottle, but he needed to stay hydrated for football practice later. Dave quickly added that it wasn't anything dangerous or really life-changing, just something he needed some advice on. Miki noted that, if it was the same kind of crises that hit teenagers all the time, talking and eating would be able to solve it. Dave tucked into his noodles, smirking. "It's not really a crisis, Miki, but thanks."

Dangling some teriyaki chicken from her chopsticks, she asked what troubled him today. He opened his mouth to talk, but she then added that egg roll special was today. Dave immediately grinned. "Great, I'll go by later today." Dave really loved the egg roles at Miki's family restaurant. He'd probably end up buying a ton of them and eating them for the rest of the week. Hey, when you can save money.

"So, I... I have an idea about how to make things up to New Directions," Dave started off, a bit shaky. Don't think about Kurt, don't think about Kurt - "You know how they're always looking for new members? Well... it's probably a terrible idea, but wouldn't the best way to help them be to join them?" Dave stared at Miki for a few seconds before returning to his food awkwardly. Saying it out loud just made it more obvious that the idea would spectacularly backfire.

words 413
lyrics you can close your eyes | james taylor and carole king

[MIKI ELAINE YASHIDA]

"Great, I'll go by later today."

Good. They did need to move those eggrolls. Most of the people who bought them in large quantities happened to share with family so it was a win-win-win for Sanpuku. There was a deep pregnant pause where it seemed David was gathering what to say. Hopping off the table, Miki turned the stereo off and unplugged her IPod from it. She ran her hands over the ridged back of its purple carrying case.

Then the football player's shaky voice sliced the silence in the room.

"So, I... I have an idea about how to make things up to New Directions,"

He was still on that and she was sure he would be until he was somewhat satisfied he had expression his regret. David Karofsky, to her at least, seemed to be searching every second and every moment for a way to pay back. She wondered, as she slid back onto the table and drank more tea, if he would ever stop to forgive himself first. It would always start there. A human's action always began and was always motivated by the self. If you did something that was caused by someone else's actions you couldn't fully place the cause on them; those actions had to affect you and then you had to allow the action to occur. She pondered the idea, opening her mouth to speak when David said nothing following his comment.

"You know how they're always looking for new members?..." He unintentionally cut her off. Miki nodded.

"Well... it's probably a terrible idea, but wouldn't the best way to help them be to join them?"

The best way. The most effective manner. A plan that, while not fool-proof, would be the greatest choice among all those plotted before it.

"But would they let him? She thought.

Her chopsticks were placed back into her bento box and the box's lid slid back on. She left the black box on the table and streched her arms slightly. Her thoughts were bouncing back and forth. What to say? What to do? What to react to? The silence was just becoming awkward for her when, as always, her mouth opened and her thoughts spilled out.

"Would they want you?" Miki pressed her fingers onto her chin in mild thought before quickly speaking agian. "Wouldn't it be easier to defend them from people who were like you? Excuse me, people who bully like you used to."

words--- COULD SHE BE ANY MORE BLUNT ?!
tags--- DAVID / HAL?!
notes--- AHH, WOOTSl?!
lyrics--- Lady Gaga's The Edge of Glory
credit--- Credit to Dollie

[/size][/blockquote]

[karofsky]

and i can't sing the blues anymore.
but i can sing this song...

[/size]

Dave had a feeling Miki would appreciate the order. Seemed that whenever Dave wandered into Sanpuku, he ordered things by the ton. His family wasn't the greatest with cooking - they were all academics, their idea of home-cooked was Kraft Dinner in a box - so they tended to buy restaurant and fast food in bulk so that they didn't starve. The only thing any of the Karofskys could cook in any capacity was Italian, thus explaining the noodles. Plus, Sanpuku had great food. So, you know, everybody wins in that arrangement.

In any case, Dave steeled himself a bit and launched into his explanation. Miki was one of the few people who fully forgave him for everything he'd done to the Glee club - she might not be a part of it, but that meant a lot to him. Her advice on the matter would be extremely helpful, even if she didn't know that a big part of his reasoning was selfish beyond reason. Yes, he wanted to help New Directions in any way he could. He felt he owed more than just Bully Whips to them. But the other reason was something Miki didn't understand at all. He was pretty sure that even if he came out and said it, she wouldn't understand. It made sense - why would you mercilessly torture the man you loved? Dave still didn't have an answer for what he did, except that he let his inexperience with love blow up in his face.

She stared at him for a second, closing her lunch box and putting her chopsticks on top of it. Stretching herself out, Dave watched her, awkwardness settling in. He knew the idea wasn't exactly the best one ever, but he didn't think it was bad enough to warrant this kind of silence. After a prolonged extension of this state, Miki finally spoke.

Blunt as ever, she asked if they would even accept him. She also suggested that maybe what he was already doing was the best course of action - protecting them from the kind of torment he heaped upon them last year. Dave frowned, picking at his food. "I feel like that's not good enough." The list in his head of things to atone for was enormous. The Kurt Saga. Shoving Tina into a wall. Slusheeing all of them. Not doing anything, despite being horrified, when Artie got slushee gang-banged. Not wearing his costume during the big playoff game. And on and on and on. "I mean... the Bully Whips is a good start, but I feel like they deserve more from me." Especially Kurt. "Plus, Schuester asked me to join last year and I said no, in my infinite asinine wisdom, and I kinda want to take him up on that."

He paused. "I have no idea if they'll accept me." He was pretty certain that, at the very least, Finn and Puckerman would try to kill him. And Blaine. Can't forget perfect Blaine. Kurt did forgive him last year, but Dave doubted he'd be able to continue down that path if he suddenly showed up in his after school club every day. Santana probably didn't care, but she had a tendency to go full bitch for no reason, and he didn't want any part of that. He sighed. "They have every reason not to."

words 568
lyrics you can close your eyes | james taylor and carole king

[MIKI ELAINE YASHIDA]

"Oh David. You're in such a conundrum..."

What to do? What to say? Anything she suggested was already tipping the balance of this situation. Even though it wasn't perilous, if it ever dove into that area she'd feel it in her conscious. Miki mulled over the thought, multitasking by listening to the boy's reaction to the second comment.

The Bully Whips. Tacky red jackets, dumb berets and object of ridicule by the student body in the freedom of the internet. As much as she wanted to applaud David and Lopez for their work, they weren't doing anything. The bullying would continue when they weren't watching; as long as they were around the administration would feel things were under control. The students would just go on, many oppressed and others willingly ignorant.

"No. You haven't been defending them at all. She looked at him then, for a moment before crossing her arms and huffing.

The more she thought of it, the more ridiculous the idea seemed.

"First things first: the Bully-Whips are a facade. Lopez may have thought of the group with good intentions but they're the equivalent of Hall Monitors. Who really respects them?"

She wouldn't. She listened to the unsavory things said about everyone and about her, but there would always come a time when gossip grew old. It was part of the reason why she never spread it. Rumors, even the most scandalizing, would die as soon as something more savory came up. So, to Miki, it seemed wise to help nip things in the bud while they rose. That' how she felt about the Bully-Whips. Students seeking reform through a way that would only get them even more ridiculed.

"Until you, David, can begin defending others without a stupid beret and jacket, no one will trust you. It's an organization that will go on your record and will lead to the insinuation that you're doing it to look good for universities."

A frown crossed her face.

"Plus, those Bully-Whip costumes are hideous. You're a handsome guy and you shouldn't be made to wear something like that."

Hopefully this tactic would work. Honesty always stung, which was why humanity saw it fit to create tact. Sometimes tact wasn't good enough. Miki wondered if she'd be able to help her new friend reach an epiphany.

"To heal, you must always begin with yourself."

words--- I'M ASSUMING MIKI DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT DAVID'S SEXUALITY?!
tags--- DAVID / HAL?!
notes--- AHH, WOOTSl?!
lyrics--- Lady Gaga's The Edge of Glory
credit--- Credit to Dollie

[/size][/blockquote]

[karofsky]

and i can't sing the blues anymore.
but i can sing this song...

[/size]

Miki's forcefulness about the Bully Whips shocked Dave a little bit. Of course, she didn't know the whole story behind the thing, but she managed to hit facade right on the head. It was a facade that was still going, despite Santana losing prom queen to Kurt. Oh that was such a mess. And Dave couldn't do anything, and he couldn't bring himself to dance with the boy he loved, out of misguided fear. Yet the Bully Whips survived that particular nightmare. Probably because Dave made it clear to the football team that under no circumstances should they slushee people anymore. He used some charts to demonstrate how it can stop you from having erections and things. None of it was true, but there was only one way to get a football player scared. Miki knew none of that. She also didn't know that things had changed a lot since last year, but gossip would always float around. You couldn't tell people not to talk. Coach Scott's unsuccessful attempts to get Jacob Ben Israel to shut up for a few seconds demonstrated that pretty well. Gossip hurt, but it wasn't physical, and it happened all the time. He couldn't defend people from that. He could only not do it himself.

Miki reminded Dave that no one really respected hall monitors. They were glorified hall monitors. And if Dave couldn't defend them outside of that stupid uniform, then he wasn't going to get anywhere with them. Dave hadn't thought about it like that, despite his rather covert attempts to prevent anything like junior year from happening to his beloved Kurt - or any of them, but Kurt especially. But he couldn't follow Kurt - oh wait, he'd already followed Kurt everywhere, in the name of obsessive, dark love. He couldn't stalk Kurt to protect him. Then last year would start all over again, only with Blaine attacking him this time.

Dave paused. "I've been doing other things to help, though." He sighed. "Look, gossip is hard to take down. As long as Jacob has his blog going and people do stupid things, there will be gossip and verbal abuse. The only way I can stop that is to not do it myself and hope people notice. And since this is McKinley..." He left the phrase hanging. "But there's other things. When was the last time you saw someone get slusheed? Besides when Azimio did it, and he's about four minutes away from getting expelled."

Miki made the odd comment that the Bully Whip uniform made Dave look terrible. He scrunched his nose up before frowning. "Doesn't really matter, it's not like who I like is interested in me. ...but... Miki, if I joined New Directions... wouldn't I be able to do that? You know, help in a way that doesn't look self-serving? I can protect them from within their own club. Puckerman did it, and everyone LOVES Puckerman now." Why, Dave wasn't sure. He loathed the guy. Did everyone forget that he locked Artie in a Port-o-Let and knocked up that cheerleader, what's her name? "If he can do it, I'm pretty sure I can." He paused. "Maybe. God I don't know."

words 545
lyrics you can close your eyes | james taylor and carole king

[MIKI ELAINE YASHIDA]

"This is McKinley. Is that the excuse you're going to take? It's McKinley and you could quit the Bully-Whips and still not make a difference?"

Of course the very structure they were in was going to dictate most of their actions. It bred it's own type of society, bad in it's own way like the one spread out into the world. Sure, the last time someone was slushied Principle Figgins grew so red the Gardening Club could've confused him with a tomato but that didn't change much. The slushying stopped, the bullying continued. One way to deal with it was to work with whatever was in front of you and actively ignore the thoughts of others. Yet things like these would always fail, like a net with a few loose strands, other events would fall through. Still, it wouldn't do well to dwell on all of that and to change with that as a base rather than with personal motivation.

"It's still personal motivation, you're doing it to better yourself in the eyes of others but starting there leads to neglect...How do I phrase this..."

The frown on the girl's face did not deepen and remained settled along with the furrowing of her brow; it looked more like she was physically uncomfortable rather than in deep thought.

"My point is that to start this process of redemption you can't just focus on the people you hurt. Getting them to forgive you, accept you is good and all but you're forgetting there's someone else who you need forgiveness from above everyone else."

Comparing himself to Puckerman wasn't going to help. They weren't at the same levels. While Puckerman had changed to match the tune of his friends, Hudson, Chang and the others, he wasn't doing it to change his image. In fact, while in New Directions he had still been bullying kids. He simply stopped when he realized, on his own, that it was wrong. That and he'd had a taste of his own medicine (no one could forget the nerds locking him in a port-a-potty). David had deeper motivation; something else was actively influencing his determination. That and everyone was different. Two people may have the same wound but they heal at different paces.

"There might not be another way to express full remorse..." Miki stood straight and pulled a chair from the table. She sat down, the chair angled so she was half-facing David. Her eyes widened a bit when she remembered something the boy said only seconds a go.

"Doesn't really matter, it's not like who I like is interested in me-"

Should she touch that subject? No. She hadn't had a boyfriend, or girlfriend, herself, so it'd be talking out of assumption. In her curiosity, her search for the factors pushing her friend to join the Glee Club, she hadn't considered it.

"Ok. Let's say joining the Glee Club is the best way to go about this. You're still missing the person you need to face before all of this starts working."

Attempting to relieve some of the tension in the air, she grabbed her chopsticks and pointed them at him.

"If you don't figure it out in the next... fifteen seconds, I'm going to pinch your nose with this just like I did the first time you tried to talk to me."

In her defense, talking to someone who was working on a computer while being directly behind them wasn't a smart move. At least she hadn't broken his nose or anything back in August.

words--- I HAVE A CLEAR PICTURE OF HOW THEY FIRST MET. I CAN JUST SEE HER MISTAKING HIS COMING FORWARD FOR A SURPRISE SLUSHY ATTACK?!
tags--- DAVID / HAL?!
notes--- AHH, WOOTSl?!
lyrics--- Lady Gaga's The Edge of Glory
credit--- Credit to Dollie

[/size][/blockquote]

[karofsky]

and i can't sing the blues anymore.
but i can sing this song...

[/size]

"Don't put words in my mouth," Dave threatened, his voice darkening a bit. He didn't mean it like that at all. Bully Whips was a big deal to him, not just because, as she cynically noted, it would look good on his college applications. He got those few moments with Kurt every day. He could finally tell Azimio how he really felt about the guy's dunderheaded bullying. Bully Whips was just the beginning of what he wanted to do, though. If there was a way to shut down Israel's blog, that would help. He couldn't change people calling each other sluts and whores - the way people swapped partners at McKinley, it was a miracle that more people didn't throw those words around. "I know that Bully Whips isn't enough. But I'm trying. More than most people are doing." He was mainly thinking about the newest Cheerios, Miss Quinn and Miss Santana. They were so against bullying, yet they returned to their institutionalized bullying club, the Sue Sylvester-led festering hole of bad energy known as the Cheerios?

Miki thought for a second, her brow knitted as if she ahd a painful thought and didn't know how to express it. She needn't bother with trying not to offend him. It took a lot, and she probably wouldn't be able to pinpoint his berserk button, anyway. She finally said that there was someone he needed forgiveness from before he could really attempt to redeem himself for others. Immediately, Dave's thoughts went straight to Kurt. She had to mean him. Well, Kurt or God. He didn't know where he stood with either of those personages, though he had a pretty good idea of what Blaine and his pastor thought of him. Neither were very pretty assumptions. Dave's lip twitched a bit. "...God?" He held himself to his earlier agreement with himself - Kurt was not coming into this. He didn't need that suspicion falling on him.

Miki sighed, adding that it was the only way he might fully express his remorse. She didn't know about him breaking down crying in front of Kurt, or the sheer lengths he went to in an effort to gain the boy's attention, or that the lengths he went to constituted sexual harassment in most cases. He had so much to be ashamed of, it wasn't funny. She continued on, saying that he wanted to join Glee Club, but he was ignoring the one person he should be going to for his plan to work.

Okay, she had to be talking about Kurt. But he didn't want to say anything about that. It shouldn't matter if that was his motivation. And if he said it was his motivation, she might find out about... everything. Dave trusted Miki; he didn't trust her enough to not call the cops if he explained himself fully. He paused for a few seconds, knowing that she wouldn't put up with much - she mentioned plugging his nose with the chopsticks, much like their rather pathetic first meeting. He walked up to her to ask for a spare USB port, she attacked him, thinking he was going to slushee her. He was talking like Wendy in South Park for about twenty minutes after that. Dave fully expected her to do it, too, if she was kept waiting. He broke.

"Kurt, right?" he responded. He inhaled sharply. "...I don't even know where to start there." Truthfully, he didn't. There was Kurt himself, who had already heard a tearful something-or-other, but then had every reason to think Dave wasn't serious due to all that crap at prom. There was everyone around Kurt, who assumed Dave coming near him was a problem. There was Sue, who was also watching out for Kurt. Santana, the only person who knew about his gayness, would surely put two and two together, smart bitch that she was. Dave greatly enjoyed where he was in social standing right now. But if he came out, there was no way in hell he could ever make anything up to any of them, Kurt especially. Considering that half of what he did to the poor thing broke some sort of law.

"I don't."

words 714
lyrics you can close your eyes | james taylor and carole king
notes it's now canon - miki attacked dave. good basis for a friendship! XD

[MIKI ELAINE YASHIDA]

"Don't put words in my mouth,"

"I'm not- Ok, maybe I am. Excuse the fact that I don't have a filter built into my mouth."

"I know that Bully Whips isn't enough. But I'm trying. More than most people are doing."

"I just think you shouldn't use them when you make more of a statement as yourself. And yes, at least it's more than anyone else..."

Conceding to other points of view wasn't easy, but in the current case Miki could see that unknown underlying reasons were probably making her own case weak. Besides, it wasn't as if she was going to force anything out of David. Taking that road would lead to hatred and, quite possibly, another instinctual chopstick attack.

"...God?"

Not even close. Well, if you were religious and considered that God created you and place you within the womb of your mother then yes. Still, Miki tried not to heave a sigh at the fact that he still wasn't getting it. It wasn't his fault, mostly, because people at this age tended to be oblivious; excluding herself from that category would be greatly narcissistic. His following suggestion got her attention. From she had heard from him before, Kurt had already semi-forgiven him. At least he said it out-loud and in public. Miki's left eyebrow arched sharply as the gears of her mind whirred. The small spark of an idea was born within the recesses of her mind and by the time she had the plan together, she was already pulling down the projector screen set up on top of the blackboard.

Sure, she had to use a chair to get up there but she was barely five foot three and still growing (though not much).

"This is probably going to be the best way to show you the person you have to share mutual forgiveness with."

Her USB was plugged into the teacher's laptop, the password already cracked. The lights were shut in mere seconds and Miki walked about the room, determined in her set-up to reveal her point.

The computer's image was projected on the screen by the small, black projector connected to the classroom's ceiling. Images of several McKinley High teens appeared and disappeared as the girl searched her files. She had a habit of taking pictures of the lesser known clubs, usually for free.

The Gardening Club's spring float appeared. The Jazz Band playing at a local cafe were shown crooning. The promotion of the Celibacy Club's new president was thrown in there as well. Miki eventually stopped at a picture set in the same classroom she was currently in. It was of a boy staring intently at a laptop screen, a white napkin held to his nose. A little bit of blood could be seen on it.

"I think I should apologize for that again. At least no capillaries were broken."

Miki took a seat on a nearby table and, in the darkness, turned and stared at where she could see David's silhouette.

"This is where you start, or rather, where I think you should."

words--- WHY DID MY COMPUTER EAT MY EPIC POOOOOOST?!
tags--- DAVID / HAL?!
notes--- AHH, WOOTSl?!
lyrics--- Lady Gaga's The Edge of Glory
credit--- Credit to Dollie

[/size][/blockquote]

[karofsky]

and i can't sing the blues anymore.
but i can sing this song...

[/size]

Miki reminded David, while conceding that, yes, she was putting words in his mouth, that he was a bigger presence than the Bully Whips. In essence, he supposed she meant that it was his reputation that made it slightly successful, not the Bully Whips making Dave more likable. He paused, thinking that over. Maybe she was saying something more about himself. That maybe he needed to stop worrying about what other people thought, and do something for himself. Great to say, selfish as all get out, but the last time he did something for himself, he got himself into an even bigger mess with Kurt. And nobody even knew about it!

Now, Dave was a smart guy. Smarter than most people gave him credit for, but after a year of being tag-teamed with Azimio, Dave understood the expectation for him to be dumber than a bag of rocks. But he couldn't figure out what Miki was getting to. Religion wasn't it, judging from her sigh. He didn't know what Japanese religion she was - probably Shinto or Buddhist, but there was always the chance she was Catholic. In any case, that wasn't the right answer. Sighing, she moved a chair over to the blackboard and pulled down a screen, standing on the chair to reach. She was rather tiny. Dave frowned. "I could've done that for you..." Miki was done before he finished, saying that this was the best way for him to see who he needed to forgive. Oh God. She had pictures. She had pictures and his life was over. He needed to figure out an explanation - for everything, who knew what she had a picture of? The stalking was indefensible, the kiss would cause a nervous breakdown, not to mention the fucking photographic evidence -

Plugging the USB drive into her computer, she shuffled through a few yearbook-related photos. One was of the new Celibacy Club president, the nerdy one. Another was of Jazz Band - Dave could tell because Artie was playing the bass in it. The Gardening Club.

And then him. Not him-Kurt, him-Dave. It was right after Miki nailed him in the nose that day, him staring at a laptop, clicking a mouse with one hand and holding a tissue to his nose in the other. He paused. And suddenly understood.

Miki apologized again before saying that this was where Dave should start. With himself. He needed to forgive himself before he could change anyone else's mind. He paused for a bit, glancing at Miki in the darkness as he collected his thoughts. It was... easier said than done, he supposed. Miki knew about his public offenses, the physicality against Kurt and others, tossing people in dumpsters, putting Puckerman in a Port-o-let. But she didn't know about the stalking, which was indefensible; the intimidation tactics, which blurred into flirting which blurred into sexual harassment. Could he really forgive himself for all of that?

"...It's not that simple, Miki," he began. "I mean, I'd love to be able to rid myself of all that guilt, but... there's a lot of bad karma there. A lot. I should've been expelled after what I did to Kurt. That's not an easy thing to forgive yourself for. I terrorized him so bad they went to" (don't say Magical Gay Narnia!) "another school across state. And those slushees hurt, and I know that now, but... I'm not trying to throw a pity party here, but I just don't see where I'd even start."

words 593
lyrics you can close your eyes | james taylor and carole king
notes miki -- only woman on earth who can take down karofsky without razor-blade hair. XD

[MIKI ELAINE YASHIDA]

"Did I happen to say it'd be easy? Of course not. Redemption of the self is a route many people struggle on for years."

Miki's hands traveled over the track pad of the laptop. With every click a new picture would pop up. David's bloodied image was replaced with a bored Miki looking into the camera; she had gone through a dyeing phase only a month prior, her bangs a bright neon pink that reminded her of the maturing she needed to do. Next was Jacob Ben Israel, squinting over a screen in the AV Club's meeting room; the one that followed was of him screaming at the photographer and covering the screen with his hands. Next was a boy with dark, square glasses, giving the peace sign. Miki stopped to contemplate the photo for a bit longer than the others, before letting the slide show continue automatically.

There were random shots in between all of the students staring at the camera: the janitor shining the school's trophies, Sue Sylvester standing proudly in her office, Ms. Pillsbury tittering slightly and laughing at one of Mr. Schuester's jokes. Principal Figgins suddenly stared at them with what he had deemed that day to be a serious expression (consisting of lifting the left eyebrow to new heights). Shots of the school courtyards, fields, classrooms and football field followed. The presentation ended with it's creator, winking at the camera and giving double peace signs. All those shots were taken on the same day but the very last one, her's, was taken in front of Sanpuku. Wearing her white blouse, red bow, short black skirt and matching pumps, the sixteen year old seemed older than she truly was. Miki disconnected the USB moments after the image appeared.

"Even though you're not trying, the pity party you're throwing could come with it's own banquet. It's normal to feel this way, especially considering all the things you've done that I don't know about." Miki swerved in her seat a bit. "Things that I don't need to know, unless you want me to. Everyone has their secrets."

She pushed the seat with her legs, oddly swaying to the side for a second before gaining control. The office chair rolled closer to the sulking football player and Miki tried patting the boy on the shoulder.

"Besides, I don't think I've ever said anything that equals what you've revealed to me, besides the fact that Riley from Celibacy Club is kind of cute. But we've strayed completely from the original point of this conversation. We've been talking how to go about this but people need to choose for themselves and suffer the bumps or celebrate the highs along the way. I think that if you want to join the Glee Club then... do it. "

Miki pushed herself on the office chair towards the light switch and soon enough the lights in the room were glowing down upon the linoleum floor.

"And maybe I just might join too. You'll need some initial support, won't you? Unless you'd prefer my support from afar?"

In reality she just wanted a chance to take more pictures of the club without having to resort to hiding from Jacob Ben Israel so much. At least she could give the excuse that Mr. Schuester could forbid her. Who knew JBI was so obsessed with the little gleeks? Plus, she could videotape David singing and dancing (which she always imagined but never got to see).

words--- THIS FRIENDSHIP MAKES ME SQUEAL TOO MUCH... MIKI'S SNEAKY GLEE AGENDA IS SNEAKY?!
tags--- DAVID / HAL?!
notes--- AHH, WOOTSl?!
lyrics--- Lady Gaga's The Edge of Glory
credit--- Credit to Dollie

[/size][/blockquote]

[karofsky]

and i can't sing the blues anymore.
but i can sing this song...

[/size]

Miki reminded David that it wouldn't be easy. Dave thought for a second. Well, he knew that, but he didn't nkow what else to say to her. It wasn't as if he could suddenly unload his entire life's story on her. That was just inappropriate. Miki continued to flip through pictures, reminding him that it took some people years to get full closure. Years? He didn't have years. He was working his ass off to get a scholarship to attend his mother's alma matter, NYU, and he had the feeling most of the Glee club - most of the people he hurt - would be stuck in Lima. Lima Losers, as Puckerman used to call them. They weren't losers, but the idea stood - he was doing his best to get out. But was he getting out to better himself, or to escape the big mess here in Lima? Maybe a little bit of both. He had to confront this full-on. Miki really was brilliant, when it came to advice. He wondered why he hadn't thought to ask about Glee club sooner. She was, after all, one of his closest friends, a friend he could truly call a friend.

She continued cycling through pictures, some actual posed shots (she lingered on a boy with dark rimmed glasses for a second longer than most - probably trying to figure out the best way to enhance it), a few candid ones of some of the teachers, like Schuester and Miss Pillsbury. The Principal looked on from behind, his eyebrow quirked in a thoroughly Colbert-like expression. He smirked at the pictures, even though he was still ruminating. Could he really forgive himself? He could forgive himself for Prom. He ran away from Kurt in a moment of weakness, and he could admit it and forgive himself for giving up that bit of momentary happiness. But that was a very self-serving forgiveness. What about the locker room? The look on Kurt's face was pretty much etched in Dave's mind. That horrorstruck, baffled look. If he could forget that look... but then there was Dalton, and the cake topper, and that wink, and all the stalking...

Miki pulled the USB drive out after lingering on a mature-looking picture of herself - Dave wasn't attracted to Miki at all, seeing as her plumbing was completely mismatched, to put it lightly, but she was very pretty - saying that it was normal for him to regret things. There were probably things she didn't know about, after all. Could she read minds?! Dave didn't respond, too busy worrying that his body language gave away that, yes, he'd done a lot of wrong by Kurt and the others, wrong that she could barely guess at. But he'd said enough for Miki to say that nothing she admitted to him was near what he admitted to her. Except that Riley in the Celibacy Club was cute. (Dave had to disagree. He was qualified to disagree.)

Miki said that she felt like people had to work out how to get through their grief their own way, and if Glee club was the way Dave wanted to fix things, he should go for it. Dave smiled a bit, a wan half-smile that didn't convey just how glad he was that Miki didn't just mindlessly agree with him. She showed him exactly what he needed to see. Turning on the lights, Miki mentioned that she might try out for the club, too. Unless he preferred otherwise.

Well, that made life easier.

"Go for it," Dave said immediately. "What kind of friend would I be if I told you not to?" He'd never really heart Miki sing much, unless it was to her blaring iPod, but he assumed she was a pretty good singer. He didn't know why. "...Thanks, Miki. Really. Thank you."

So he knew what he needed to do. He needed to forgive himself (rough task) while trying to redeem himself in the eyes of everyone else (rougher task), hopefully enough so that Kurt didn't loathe him anymore (damn near impossible). Eh, no one said it would be easy, like Miki told him.

words 697
lyrics you can close your eyes | james taylor and carole king